"You look like Robert Pattinson!"

Alright, not the greatest chat-up line in the world, but considering it was just meant as drunken slur – more of an observation rather than compliment- it actually (somehow) worked. The unfortunate guy, who I was apparently shouting this at across the pub near closing time, turned around shocked to say the least, set his eyes on me and smiled!

Now I’m going to be honest with you right now, I was out of my comfort zone. Very rarely (never!) did I speak to a complete stranger and attempt to compliment them. This bold move came after I’d had a rubbish day at work and so naturally I chose to the most logical thing possible, I put on my new favourite summer dress, had many cocktails and blurted out the first thing that came in to my head when I saw a good-looking guy.

Now this poor unfortunate man couldn’t have been much older than me and was possibly just as drunk, if not more so. The young gentleman, who’s name I failed to remember the next day (not my finest point) sat down next to me and said, with a great deal of surprise: “Do you really think I look like Robert Pattinson? That’s the kindest thing anyone has ever said to me before!” which, let’s be honest, was the first clue that this man was not 100% sober, I’m sure for people who are fans of Robert Pattinson would be complimented if they were told they looked like him, however,  it’s probably not going to be THE KINDEST thing someone’s ever said to you!

Anyway, I ignored the fact that this man was either rather drunk or rather un-complimented his whole life, and continued to go on about his looks: “Yes, of course you do. Trust me, I’ve been forced to watch Twilight, I know what he looks like! I’m telling you right now, if you went to any table and told the people sitting there that you were a vampire no-one would question it, not one person. They would just look at each other and say ‘Hey, look this guy’s a vampire’ and then you could walk away knowing that those people really think you’re a vampire” … You may have already grasped, 1. I am not a massive vampire/Twilight fan, 2. I didn’t realise we were flirting at this moment, which is why I’m nattering on about how this guy looks like a Vampire!?!

At this point he’s laughing hysterically, surprisingly at what I’m saying not just at me in general, God knows how I am pulling it off but somehow it’s completely working!

However, and there’s always a ‘however’ (it’s normally ‘but’ except we’re ladies here) he then claims he’s a Marine, oh! Nothing wrong with a Marine, certainly not, the problem here is that:

a)      We’re in England and therefore, they’re called ‘Royal Marines’ and having met a few I know that they don’t like to be called ‘Marines’ because that’s American

b)      He was a little bit scrawny, not in a bad way, in a “I doubt you’re a Marine, let’s be honest we’ve all seen the advert with big rucksack’ kinda-way!

So now, I may be drunk but I’m not an idiot, I am faced with a blatant liar. Of course who am I kidding, that really doesn’t matter, all I care about is the fact he’s fit… you all think it too, especially at this time of night.

So he goes on about how he doesn’t go for ‘skinny’ girls, he likes girl with personality, which apparently I have “tons of” according to him … my drunken-self is start to like him but it got me wondering, was that really what matters the most? Can men genuinely find a girl attractive based on her personality alone or is this an end of a long night- drunken comment?

Well I’m not too sure of what the answer to that question is just yet, but I think that’s going to be my ‘new blog resolution’! I will report back soon

Much love

x

I think I'm having a love affair with Burger King!

Firstly, don’t worry; I’m not actually having a physical affair with a Chicken Royale, I won’t be appearing on any Channel 4 documentaries about freaky lovers anytime soon. But seriously, this is beginning to become a serious problem now, as mentioned in my last entry, I seem to get this idea that no one will be interested in me, so I completely scoff my face (chilli cheese bites are currently my favourite) and then moan that nobody will want me. HA! Well of course nobody is going to be asking you out on a date anytime soon if all you’re going to do is sit back, loosen your belt and shove sugar down your gob.

Also alcohol! How is a single girl supposed to drown her sorrows if all her chosen alcoholic drinks are so full of sugar and calories. Well if you ask me, either men should accept bigger girls or an anti-calorie pill should be invented because I don’t think I can handle all this ‘no junk food, no alcohol’ malarkey. While writing this I am drinking a can of ‘Brothers Strawberry Cider’ which I am horrified to find out has 108 calories in  it, which is a lot if you factor in the other 7 you’ll have and the 1am kebab you’ll be drunkenly consuming, and I don’t care if it’s gone midnight it’s still classed as today!

Social conventions show that the natural habitat of a man, yes how very ‘Geographic Channel’ of me, is their local pub, so ladies we have an important decision to make. Do we:

a)      Accept our loneliness for what it is and drink all the Malibu and (full fat) coke we want.

b)      Continue to drink our fattening ciders and hope we can find a man who will accept us for it

c)       Throw in the drinking, slip into our tightest ‘body-con’ dress and see the men for what they really are, and let me put it this way, they ain’t no George Clooney

*Sigh* It seems like us ladies are fighting a losing battle with our waistlines thanks to fast food restaurants, why do they have to make such yummy food!?! Well I am sure I’ll be back soon enough with another ‘Bridget-Jones-esque’  post about how it doesn’t matter if it says ‘Weightwatchers’ on the front, it doesn’t count as healthy if you eat the whole box of chocolate chip slices!

Until then, au revoir

x

The definition of beautiful does not require the word skinny!

As a girl, and even for most men, it’s completely natural for us to have ‘hang-ups’ about our bodies, especially on a big night out. My constant worry is that although someone will love my personality and want to spend time with me, they just don’t think I’m attractive enough. It’s for this reason I find it hard to be intimate with people, emotionally!

I have this friend, and she’s a size 10 (which is A LOT smaller than me) and she tells me about how she hates her body, so all she’ll wear are jumpers and jeans. To me she has an amazing body, one which I would pay good money for, but of course there are parts she doesn’t like. Naturally, the world being the way it is, she’ll go to the pub, get tons of male attention and then still say the next day that she hates her body. Why? Is it really the media which makes us feel bad about ourselves or is this the way we’re supposed to be?

Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely hate the girls that’ll walk into a room and expect everyone to look at them, being over-confident is not an attractive feature, nor is it one I desire to have, but surely these girls read the same beauty magazines as me? I’m not saying that these girls aren’t stunning, on the most part they are but there must be certain times when they look in the mirror and think that a certain pair of shorts make their legs look fat, or maybe they just leave all their “body blues’” at the door. I have to admit that a little bit of me respects these girls, they’re confidence truly amazes me!

Do beauty magazines promote low self-esteem? I posed this question to my Facebook friends and of the people that replied they all agreed they do. Some claiming ‘It makes everyone out to be perfect in the magazines, when in reality it’s all fake and Photoshop’ Perhaps we should make a ‘real-woman’s magazine’, a suggestion from one friend which realistically could do a world of good. Maybe we’re looking at size 6 too much and forgetting that flaws are normal. Photoshop has no room for flaws but perhaps we no longer have room for Photoshop. Then again, do we really want to face the reality of knowing what the average woman looks like, generally people tend to prevent themselves from feeling bad about how they look because they know they’ll never look like the models in Vogue, so maybe if the magazines were all full of woman size 14/16 you would be more aware of how different you really look from everyone else.  

I’m not saying it’s okay for everyone to eat  a whole load of food and not care about their bodies, but seriously, does it matter if you have one Big Mac!?! And if you’re sitting here thinking “Well yes, that one burger does matter!!,” it’s probably best you and my blog part ways because as much as I appreciate you reading this I have a confession, the longer I’m single the more McDonald’s I eat, and the more McDonald’s I eat the longer I am single, it’s a viscous circle that you will be hearing about a lot more!!

Thank you, and for now goodbye

x

Welcome to the singledom...

Ask me how I feel about paying for my share of dinner, or even the whole dinner, and I will reply straight away with “Of course it’s fine, it’s the 21^stcentury. Why shouldn’t women be able to take hold of the situation and pay”, but ask me if I would ever go up to a guy and say hi I would probably reply with “What!?! You have got to be kidding me, there is no way I’m going up to a guy, he should make the first move.” Yes, I know, very contradicting of me, but that’s honestly how I feel about the whole dating situation.

1, If it was up to me a guy would be the first to say hi, first to exchange numbers, the first to kiss… etc! I am aware of the fact that this is very 18^thcentury of me to think this way but I can’t help it. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m shy, far too aware of my bodies flaws or just traditional, whatever the reason is I just can’t get over this fact, something which seriously prevents potential suitors! My male friends are always telling me that they find it EXTREMELY attractive if a woman was to up to them and say hi, so in theory I should be confident about going up to a guy because this would potentially mean I have more of a chance but I still can’t do it. THIS IS THE FIRST REASON I AM SINGLE!

2, I like guys who aren’t going to like me! I doubt I’m the only person who suffers from this problem, but I always go for guys who definitely aren’t looking for someone like me. Let me explain; I like literature, especially Ernest Hemingway, I keep up to date with current affairs, I could hold a lengthy conversation about British politics and I enjoy folk/country music and live comedy. Although the say opposites attract I, realistically, should be looking for someone also interested in music, perhaps even a musician, a man who could watch a whole game of tennis, no matter how long it lasted and someone who would be able to compare bottles of wine, explaining, without being patronising, why the Tuscany white is better with chicken rather than the Burgundy. On paper this is my dream man, when I try to envisage my future husband this is the kind of guy I think of, but put me in a pub full of men and I will instantly be interested in the guy with the gelled hair, football shirt, one hand on a pint glass and another around a woman wearing barely anything at all. I know there’s nothing wrong with these types of people, different strokes for different folks as my mum would say, but generally they’re not interested in someone who could easily quote F. Scott. Fitzgerald, so naturally they’re not going to want to talk to me. I think the main reason I am attracted to guys like this is because I know they won’t like me back, and so when I eventually return from the pub much later and more drunk I won’t be disappointed. It gives me a metaphorical safety net, knowing that the guy isn’t not interested in me because of me, but really because we are two very different people, living different lives.

3, My friends are very pretty and even more flirtatious. It’s hard to find confidence when you have friends who are willing to go up to a guy and flawlessly ask for their number, especially when I know if I did that I would probably trip on my way over, speak a language barely recognisable as English and turn away red-faced and unsuccessful. I think it’s far better for me to just stick with my theory of men having to go up to the guy first. It’s especially difficult when your friends are constantly having guys come up to them all night, don’t get me wrong, I do get male attention but generally I tend to get a bit scared if a man was to come up and talk to me, I know, again, not an ideal attitude to take in the dating game but it’s is, however, the attitude I have chosen to take!

4, Intimate situations scare me, A LOT! A sit down dinner is far too personal for my liking, I don’t think I would be able to hold a conversation for a good two hours. I would much rather go to a pub and having a few drinks something much more casual, unfortunately this is considered a bit of a ‘faux pas’ on a first date and should not even be suggested!

Well those are some of the reasons I think I’m single, I am sure there are many more to come, now to enjoy my friends hopeless attempts to find me love while I just sit on the side lines laughing.